I understand bro trucks.

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa) 05/21/2014 at 00:00 • Filed to: Jake rambling incoherently about nothing

3

28

Bro trucks. Medium-duty hulking monoliths to excess and empowerment, spewing hydrocarbons and noise into the air and blinding drivers with their headlights all to the sound of ludicrous amounts of unused power being channeled through never-taken-offroad knobbly, noisy tires.

God dammit, I've found myself liking them. The reason? I drove one.

I recently drove a 2009-ish Ford F-250 Super Duty with a 4" lift kit and 4" exhaust, and it was one of the most satisfying drives from one suburb to another I've ever had. For one, you don't drive a huge truck like this. You press a pedal and 600ft-lb of torque and 300hp rotates the earth underneath you, slightly changing the orbit of our blue marble and lengthening the night so you can party longer. And you're up *high*. So high in fact you're not just looking down at that guy in his Civic, you TOWER over them. And even people in lesser trucks (S10s, Rangers, etc.) shy away at the sun-blocking bulk of your four tons of freedom and hamburger-induced heart attacks.

And then there's the sound.

Diesels sound something like a symphony of T-rexes roaring while having sex with a jet engine while Thor smites terrorists with red white and blue lightning, an effect that is turned up to 11 if you ever find a ramp-like railroad crossing in the middle of nowhere and decide to take it at 55, with a few brief moments to consider just how much mass is hanging in the air before *thunk*ing back down to terra firma and creating a small crater in the road.

I quite like these trucks, even as on-road tarmac-hugging land whales.

E30Joe drives a Subaru > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/21/2014 at 00:01

0

They are fun aren't they? I don't get the hate

The man in the iron mask > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/21/2014 at 00:01

0

This post should share to Trucklopink
http://truckyeah.jalopnik.com

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/21/2014 at 00:02

3

I disagree in the sense that my time driving even a non-lifted truck left me wanting to be lower to the ground and with more steering response but I agree in the sense that I have empathy about driving something ridiculous. Just don't park like a craftsman box full of tools and you're good. Oh and check your mirrors often.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 05/21/2014 at 00:05

0

Oh yeah, parking was a royal pain in the ass on a residential street with all sorts of smaller (read: invisible) cars parked in the road.

And yes, the steering was awful but you really didn't notice because you were too busy marveling at the sound of the engine and how *slow* you seemed to be moving despite the fact you're accidentally doing 20 over the limit.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 05/21/2014 at 00:06

0

My father in laws f350 is already way to high. it's a PITA to load anthing in the bed. I can't imagine if it had a 3"-6" lift plus over sized tires.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/21/2014 at 00:07

1

Lifted truck swaggg. (Man I need more pictures of the truck)

They are a hoot to jump over railroad tracks though. Even if you fracture your back once you land on the other side.

And it's great being eye level with Semi-Truck drivers.

There's this funny thing about my dad's truck where when you accelerate, even though it isn't a diesel, it lets off this kind of turbo whistle. I guess it's his intake or something?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Logansteno: Bought a VW? 05/21/2014 at 00:10

1

My car does that. Pretty sure it's my right-front wheel bearing saying its death curse upon me and my wallet.

Also yisssss Chevy

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/21/2014 at 00:12

0

It's definitely coming from the engine in the Silverado. At least I hope so with how loud it is..

That's how it's been for the last 4 cars he's owned. Chevy man for sure.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 05/21/2014 at 00:19

0

Well lifted trucks are rarely a work truck so most bro trucks are only good at showing off and driving through specific obstacles such as a mud pit or doing a tractor pull. Depends on what they're built for. Actually, tractor pull trucks are badass. Hearing the turbo diesel turbos spool and then watching a short bed, crew cab truck rip a multi-ton sled down a quarter mile on dirt is pretty sweet.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/21/2014 at 00:57

1

Hearing the turbo on an '03 Ford 6.0 should change any sane persons mind about bro trucks. What guy doesn't want a turbo that sounds like this:

Burrito de EJ25 > E30Joe drives a Subaru 05/21/2014 at 02:30

1

The hate stems from the obnoxious imbeciles who drive them. I mean, that's really what draws my ire, anyway. And the fact these hideous monstrosities fill my cabin with light at night.

Dingers Ghost, Champion Jockey > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 05/21/2014 at 08:48

0

Bro trucks can surely have the power to pull a sled, but you won't see one hook up if the owner knows his stuff. Especially with the extensive lifts on what we call bro trucks. There's no way all that height and articulation would handle the force. Either you would beak everything r the truck just wouldn't find good traction.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Dingers Ghost, Champion Jockey 05/21/2014 at 08:57

0

I've seen "lifted" trucks do a good pull but it depends on the truck and how the guy set it up.

E30Joe drives a Subaru > Burrito de EJ25 05/21/2014 at 10:45

0

There are obnoxious imbeciles for every type of car.

Burrito de EJ25 > E30Joe drives a Subaru 05/21/2014 at 10:50

0

While that's absolutely true I don't think it's as prevalent as it is I'm the brotruck scene. They're called brotrucks for goodness sake.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 05/21/2014 at 10:52

0

Agreed... but still no need for a bro truck:

CalzoneGolem > Dingers Ghost, Champion Jockey 05/21/2014 at 11:34

0

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > CalzoneGolem 05/21/2014 at 11:38

0

It's not every day you see a '40 Buick at a tractor pull. Just more days than you'd expect.

CalzoneGolem > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 05/21/2014 at 11:43

0

That was my dad's so I saw it many times. I can still remember that rumbling sound.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > CalzoneGolem 05/21/2014 at 11:46

0

You said the magic phrase, so I'm obligated to post this.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > CalzoneGolem 05/21/2014 at 11:47

0

Yeah, I recall you mentioning it before. Also, you said the magic phrase, so I must post this:

Dingers Ghost, Champion Jockey > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 05/21/2014 at 11:59

0

I've seen some lifted ones pull too, and some were decent. Of course, you set a truck up right, you can pull with just about anything if you know what you're doing.

CalzoneGolem > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 05/21/2014 at 12:19

0

Whatever I can do to get you to post more Steve Earl I'll do it.

bhardoin > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/21/2014 at 21:01

0

It isn't that I don't get how they're fun. Its just that they are fun in a way that I find kinda despicable.

Its like how its nice to own a mansion only to enjoy the excess, and to have 4 or 5 spare rooms that you don't use except to impress guests. Its like enjoying being the manager of a company not because you have the power to improve things, but because you enjoy bossing others around. Its like owning an elephant gun to hunt deer that you won't eat, or buying bullshit from Whole Foods only so you can brag to your friends about how little gluten you eat and how nice your shits are.

All of these things can serve a purpose: Maybe you own a mansion because you have 5 foster kids - maybe you manage a company so your customers are happier - maybe you need that elephant gun for elephants or maybe you are ACTUALLY gluten intolerant and that white bread will fully clog your crapper. And maybe you actually go offroading in your monster truck. But if you don't, you're just a posing douchebag.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > bhardoin 05/21/2014 at 21:17

0

I see it as the purist form of being a gearhead: having an impractical car that doesn't necessarily fit your lifestyle just because you LOVE the vehicle so much. Of course there are assholes with brotrucks that will shove them in your face or act obnoxious or park like douchebags, but so do people with Porsches, some members of the rat rod community are complete assholes that I've met, etc. Again, this isn't *all* members of a community, just some of them. Everyone has fun with their vehicles, like how I have fun with mine by slapping on possibly-tacky visual modifications whilst doing next to nothing mechanical.

E30Joe drives a Subaru > Burrito de EJ25 05/22/2014 at 00:32

0

BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Axial > Burrito de EJ25 05/22/2014 at 01:30

0

To be completely honest: they are no worse than the obnoxious imbeciles in their Civics, Preluds, Integras, Del Sols, 3ers, G35s, Maximas, WRXes, Lancers, GTIs, S40s, and Solaras. They aren't even more common.

Axial > Logansteno: Bought a VW? 05/22/2014 at 01:31

0

Could be a hole in the air box. My dad's '03 Ram 1500 does the same thing for that very reason.